My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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