I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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