Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
