You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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