the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my poor anus
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I touched a dick in church today
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
