Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
