Jerry, you need to find god
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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