Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
