I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
