I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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