I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
