look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
