and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
