That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize