My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
