they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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