you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
