my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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