I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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