i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
3 2 1 whiskey
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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