she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
