Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
