Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
