He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
