living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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