were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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