I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
