I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
worst night to have a conscience
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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