i think my tv is drunk
Me too!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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