Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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