I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
