i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
