I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
COCAINE IS GR8
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
