my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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