pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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