Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
