I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
