The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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