my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
