You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
