as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
