First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
