We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
