the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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