Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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