I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
