I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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