You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
