Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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