My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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