I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
