Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
