I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
