I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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