Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
