It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
