I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
