I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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