got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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