guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
