There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
